文章出自于一位登陆澳洲仅3年的初中学生

注：为了保护学生隐私，文中人名皆为化名

背景小故事：

文章主题‘Narcissist’，就是中文“自恋者”的意思。这个词是根据希腊神话人物——那耳喀索斯而来。在那耳喀索斯出生后，预言家提瑞西阿斯曾说：这个孩子只要不看到自己的脸，就能得长寿。因此，尽管那耳喀索斯长大后成为全希腊最俊美的男子，却从不知道自己长什么样子。一次那耳喀索斯打猎归来时，在池水中看见了自己俊美的脸，于是爱上了自己的倒影，无法从池塘边离开，终于憔悴而死。在那耳喀索斯死去的地方生出了一株水仙花。而后，人们用这个词来形容“迷恋自己的人”。今天我们就通过这篇文章学习一下什么是自恋、试着分析一下你周围有没有“自恋”的朋友；然后学习如何理解他们，以及如何正确处理与他们的关系吧。

The term narcissism, comes from an Ancient Greek and Roman myth - Narcissus, a handsome guy, who loved no one but himself and was unable to tear himself away from his own image. The definition of narcissism isan inflated, grandiose self-image, and narcissists consider themselves betterlooking, more inelligent, and more important than others. Narcissism is not simply just a type of personality, but actually a set of traits classified and studied by psychologists. They recognised 2 forms of narcissism, grandiose and vulnerable, and if these types were not controlled, they will both lead to an extreme type called narcissistic personality disorder.

The first type, grandiose, is the most general kind. They are extroversion, dominance and attention seeking. The second type is vulnerable, unlike grandiose, they tend to be quiet and reserved. They are easily threatened and slighted as they really care about entitlement. In either type, narcissists make themselves feel good, but people around them suffer. But they are still only the first level of narcissism, there is an extreme type called narcissistic personality disorder. It is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.

Lisa, was considered as a vulnerable narcissist, and the reason why I believe she is one of them is that she fits with all the personalities that a venerable narcissist would have, and we will be talking about her characteristics as a narcissist.

First of all, she is a quiet and reserved person, which is quite obvious because she likes to be by herself, doesn't really show herself a lot, and doesn't give out lots of opinions. Because I am totally an extroversion person, so I don't really know the reason for being quite and reserved, so I interviewed her. 

'Why are you so reserved? Don't you like sharing things with your friends?'

The answer I got was actually that she couldn’t be bothered. She thinks that explaining everything to people is just too much effort, and also she doesn't see the need to tell people things they haven't asked.

Then I asked if she has lots of communication with her parents, and the answer was no. She said if she has to choose between family and friends, she would rather choose to speak to a friend, as they are better listeners.

Then I asked about her thought on entitlement, and the answer was expected. She is acompetitive person and likes to be No. 1 all the time. I asked her if that's just for gaining attention, but she said it feels good to be first because it proves herself and it's a result for her hard work. She does like to gain attention by it but it's not the main reason.

'If you didn't do well in acompetition, do you feel threatened or slighted?'

'Yes', she said immediately, 'but there are two cases.' 

She explained that if she was always first, and people were already expecting her to be first, if someone beats her in the competition, she would feel very threatened by that person because that person did better than herself. But in the other case, if she was always around No.10, she won't feel slighted as she didn't get No.1, as long as there is an improvement, she feels satisfied.

From all those behaviours and characteristics, it does prove that Lisa is a venerable narcissist, but she is at a very low level. Because she still have the positivity to reach potential and as her friend who's always around her, I don't feel like I am suffering from her narcissism.

老 师 结 语