一个拖延症患者的自我分析,图南英语微信公众号文章

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Procastination

And Self diagnosis

A procrastinator is a special type of person - what sets them apart from others is their brain. A normal person's brain normally has just one thing occupying it: a rational decision makeing system, something that wants to just get down to the task and complete it. However, a procrastinator has something else besides that rational decision making system - the instant gratification monkey.

拖延症患者是一种特殊人群，他们的大脑与其他人不一样。一个“正常人”的大脑，通常只被一件事占据，那就是理性决策系统。它会让人开始并完成一件工作。然而，一个拖延症患者不仅有“理性决策系统”，他们的脑子里还有一个“贪玩的猴子”。

This monkey only wants easy and fun stuffs. Sure, easy and fun stuffs are good, but only in balanced doses. But when the monkey takes the wheel, one is almost forever condemned to the dark playground. Plenty of easy and fun stuffs, but in the midst of guilt.

这只“猴子”想要的一切，只是轻松和好玩。然而，轻松和好玩只有在一定程度上才会是好事。当“贪玩猴”控制一个人大脑的时候，这个人就只知道疯狂的享乐了。在这个人拥有大量轻松和好玩的同时，与之俱来的是负罪感。

The instant gratification monkey is only scared of one thing; the panic monster and the panic monster is only awakened when the due date of a task is imminent. Therefore, work is only ever done at the very last minute.

这只及时行乐猴只害怕一个东西——恐惧怪兽。在一个工作快要到达截止日期的时候，这个恐惧怪兽就会被唤醒。因此，拖延症患者的工作从来都要被拖到最后一刻才能完成。

----Self Diagnosis----

自我诊断

I believe that I am a procrastinator, just that the instant gratification monkey is sometimes asleep and the rational decision making takes over. I am therefore half a procrastinator.

我自认我就是个拖延症患者，只不过那只“贪玩猴”有时候会睡着，所以我应该算是半个拖延症患者。

Some proof - I am completing this task right now instead of 3:55 on Wednesday next week; because I wish to play in the sunny playground. Easy and fun without any guilt or fear of the consequences. Only after I have completed the task at hand do I let my monkey take the wheel and enjoy easy and fun stuffs - almost unstoppably so.

举些例子：我没有等到上课前5分钟再去赶完这篇文章，是因为我想在下午上课前能在操场上多玩一会儿。这样，毫无负罪感和压力地享受轻松和快乐。只有在完成了任务之后，我才让“猴子”掌舵，甚至有时难以停下来。

However, there is another side of me. Sure, sometimes the monkey goes to sleep, but I assume that's because it's tired as there is no panic monster to effectively stop it from taking the wheel.

然而，我还有另外一面。虽然“猴子”会睡着，但我觉得是因为一直没有“恐惧怪物”出来控制它，直到它玩累了，才停下来。

Therefore, my monkey can become a super monkey at will - without a panic monster to scare it away. I believe that my lack of panic monster is due to my parents, or more precisely, mother, abusing it and using it at the most trivial of things. My panic monster is now dormant and unable to let the rational decision making takes over when absolutely needed.

正因为没有“恐惧怪物”，我的“猴子”可以是一只超级随心所欲的“猴子”。我觉得，我没有“恐惧怪物”是跟我的父母有关，更准确的说是我的母亲，她把“恐惧怪物”用到生活中各种小事当中。因此我的“恐惧怪物”是出于昏迷状态，当我需要理性决定的时候，它不能及时出来赶走“贪玩猴”。

In conclusion, I do sometimes manage to get some work done, but when my monkey is awake and working, I am able to procrastinate and unlimitedly so.

总结一下，我虽然可以及时完成作业，但当我的“猴子”清醒的时候，我是一个拖延症患者，并且会一直这样下去。

----图南初一学生习作----