雅思7分作文范文实例及分析

2014年07月20日 澳洲留学移民投资咨询



对于大多数学生来说,要写出雅思7分作文貌似是比登天还难。大多学生在雅思写作上能取得6分已经实属不易。但是,许多名校,或者有名的专业,对于雅思写作的要求,尤其是对于要去读研究生的同学们来说,要求达到7分。“雅思7分作文是如何练成的呢?”,这就是我们这次来探讨的问题。


大家先来看一个学生(Luna)雅思7分作文,后面我会根据雅思写作评分标准,对这篇范文做出分析。这道题目是社会类大作文上课后的作业。

  题目:Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree? >> 点击咨询


学生雅思7分作文范文:


In contemporary society, an increasing number of people swarm into big cities to search for job opportunities, giving rise to an acute housing shortage, which causes a series of severe consequences. High housing prices, for example, forces house buyers to pinch and scrape for the sake of down payment, which vastly leads to decline in people’s living standard.雅思7分作文范文


Therefore, some people urge that only with the help of the government can this problem be solved.It is definitely true that government, as servants of people, should stand out to work out a proper way to cope with this situation. With so much illegal property speculation, government plays an irreplaceable role in strengthening regulation and oversight of the real estate market.雅思7分作文范文


Making several policies such as stabilizing housing prices and providing financial subsidies is a good choice though, there are still other options available for the rest social groups.In the first place, I believe, property developers should be responsible for today’s real estate bubble. It is their excessive pursuit of maximum profit that pushes up housing prices, multiplying the pressure of house buyers.


Hence, property developers should respond positively to national policies and build up more economically affordable houses for wage-earners. Secondly, housing consumers also should be hard-working, only if they have a strong desire to do better can they get promoted for higher salaries.


To sum up, government’s intervention is necessary but not absolute. With joint effort made by property developers and housing consumers, government’s policy can work the best.


雅思7分作文范文分析——Task response(任务完成度)


在内容和扣题上面来说,Luna同学充分得利用了自己的商学知识,在“专业” 的角度上给出了非常深入的剖析。对于如何解决大城市的房屋紧缺问题,她给出了:

  1、政府确实可以做到通过对非法房地产的监控strengthening regulation of the real estate market,稳定房价,提供财务支持stabilizing housing prices and providing financial subsidies。

  2、房地产开发商应该负责,去建造经济适用房build up more economically affordable houses for wage-earners.

  3、这个消费者应该要努力工作,从自身角度出发解决问题should be hard-working。 虽然在细节论证有欠缺,但是已经非常专业有力度。符合7分标准。


雅思7分作文范文分析——Coherence and cohesion(论证严密度方面)


大体文章的逻辑性非常清晰。开头引入话题, 第二段正面讲政府的作用, 第三段反面论证房地产开发商和个人的作用,最后结尾号召需要共同努力解决问题,辩证有逻辑。那么cohesive device 逻辑连接词的合理运用也处处可见。

  比如,在第三段中做观点陈列的时候,In the first place Hence, Secondly, 都可以清晰得罗列出观点和句式关系。最值得注意的是,每段的都有明确的topic sentence即中心句子,准确明白得点出观点。完美得在逻辑方面得到7分。


雅思7分作文范文分析——Vocabulary(词汇)


在文章中出现的标红的字体,都是Luna在这篇文章中出色而地道的词汇运用。两点重要:

  1、a sufficient range of vocabulary 就拿“加强”这个单词,文章中出现了很多不同的表达,eg: push up, build up, multiply, strengthen , develop, promote.充分表现variety.

  2、less common lexical items. 专业词汇不言而喻,比如首付down payment, 经济适用房, economically affordable houses. 还有地道的“pinch and scrape” 节衣缩食。


雅思7分作文范文分析——Sentence structure (句式)


是否有a variety of complex sentence structure 并且使用正确呢?来看画线部分的句子。开头段中,两个非限制定语从句。 第二段开头就是主语从句,带有着灵活的插入语解构,简洁有力度。第三段,强调句式和倒装句开始人品完全爆发。值得肯定的是,全文的句子长句组合一定会有插入成分,非常灵活。这是最能体现出该生功力的地方。句式7分!


总结:雅思7分作文是要求很高的,对考生的知识面以及英文程度都有很高的要求。尤其是在考场上面,有这样的表现尤为难得。但是雅思7分作文并不是遥不可及,当然,只有持之以恒的练习才能达到成果。 Only by consistent practice can perfect be achieved.



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