不看你后悔！现役考官逐词逐句批改的文章及给分流程,7PLUS英语微信公众号文章

很多同学都知道考官会从四个部分来评判分数（Task Response,Coherence and cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical range and accuracy)，但是具体怎么打分，为什么有的文章是7分，有的是6分，却不是很清楚。7PLUS今天给大家看一篇学生的文章并且附上现役雅思考官的批改评语，请大家仔细看一下，了解一下雅思考官所期望的7分作文是什么样子的。

题目

Some peoplesay the gap between poor and rich is becoming wider. The rich is growing richerand the poor is growing poorer; what causes lead to this situation and whatmeasures can be taken to address the problem?

现役考官批改及给分理由（总分6.5）

Task Response (score 7.0 )As I go through your essay I have seen quite numerous reasons as well ascorresponding solutions to the given topic regarding the gap between the poor and the rich. I have also seen good points that are better understood if only the sentences were revised or there were corresponding words that are to beplaced in exchange with what you have written. The length of your essay is okay. You have made use of more than 250 words, which is what is required of you to do. Nonetheless, with just some revisions, this essay would be better.

Coherence and Cohesion (Score 6.0)If you would notice, I have added some words as well as phrases within your original sentence. This is because I felt that the statement would be more effective with more supporting details to it. “establish more public schools wherein less fortunate students would be given high standard education for a cheap price oreven for free.” I have also rephrased some of the sentences that youhave written and made it simpler. It is also best that the thought would becomprehensible for your readers as most of them would only read your answeronce, “This means that people are indifferent level of social classes may encounter inequalities and imbalances.”to “That is to say that inequalities and imbalances may be encountered by different social levels.”

Lexical Resource (Score 6.0)There were some of the terms that you have written that I have changed as I felt that it would express the idea of your sentence better. That is tosay that the original word that you have used is not that effective and maysomehow be misleading. “themost important reason…” you are stating a reason for the said dilemmabetween two different social levels, therefore, the underlined word is betterwritten as “visible” You must also make sure that there is enough profoundnesswithin your essay. This is to attract your readers to read the entire answer. “small amountof salary…” instead of writing the underlined word isbetter written as “inadequate”

Grammatical Range and Accuracy （Score 6.0 ）Remember to make use of appropriate modifiers such as “the” within yoursentences to make its flow smoother. That is to say that the sentences areeasily understood as each important word is being modified. “The government should contribute…” There was also a specific statement wherein Ihave changed the word forms written. This is to revise it and make it more effective. “the gap between poor and rich is getting wider is that, resources areallocated unequally” to “the widening of the gap between the poor and therich is the unequal allocation of resources”

学生文章及考官批改

As the pace of development speeds up, the gap between rich and poor is becoming undesirable. This means that people are in different level of social classes may encounter inequalities and imbalances.（That is to say that inequalities and imbalances may be encountered by differentsocial levels. (simplified) There are several reasons causing this problem, to some extent, this issue can be mitigated.

Firstly, people from rich family will be much easier to receive higher standard of education than students from poverty. （it is easier for students who are richto attain higher education standard than those who are from poverty.(rephrased)）This means that rich people may have better chance(chances(plural)to develop their skills and would be more advantageous in obtaining a job. Therefore,To (to) solve this problem, the government should not only financially support those students who cannot afford to study, but also establish more public schools wherein less fortunate students would be given high standard education for a cheap price or even for free.

Secondly, people may have different levels of income by doing a similar job, due to various regions.(due to various regions, people withsimilar job may have differences in the level of income. (suggested phrase) )Some people may have a much higher income in a developed city, while some employees only receive a small (inadequate(profound))amount of salary in rural areas. By solving this particular issue, the government should move its focus on improving the economy of impoverished areas, and offer some allowances for workers from remote areas.

Finally, the most important(visible(a more appropriate term) reason causing the gap between poor and rich is getting wider is that, resources are allocated unequally.(the widening of the gap between thepoor and the rich is the unequal allocation of resources. (changed some wordforms) There are some areas without sufficient resources to develop, such as labor, medical conditions, and education; hence people there are usually less developed.(capable(suggested term))It could be solved by reallocation of resources among different cities in a country.（Thus, by reallocation of resourcesamong different cities in a country, this occurrence could be solved.(rephrased)）

In conclusion, as mentioned above, the gap between the poor and the rich could be alleviated to some extent. The Government(government) should contribute more to resolve this serious social issue by incorporating its citizens.

7PLUS说明

此篇文章是我们学生一开始写的文章，文章是现役的雅思考官批改。从考官的打分评语中我们可以看到只要你的文章扣题，一般都会拿到7分。但是如果想最后总分拿到7分，还需要在其他三项来努力。

7PLUS雅思学习的同学，文章都会有现役雅思考官来批改，我们相信让雅思考官批改你的作文，你一定会在短期内得到提高获得你所需要的成绩！

墨尔本7PLUS雅思托福教育

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