Paul是一位悉尼的学生，他的写作久久困于6.5分。他曾多处寻师求教，在找到我们之前，还一度拜于一位“印度考官”门下，但上课后良久却没有突破，成绩还是徘徊在6-6.5。当时，不仅他一个人没有进步，跟他一起上课的学生也都没有进步，学生们就问“考官”是何原因？“考官”很坦然地跟学生们讲“我们雅思考官内部最近开了一个会，上面通知我们要提高难度、要卡着你们不许过！”
（你这推卸责任还能再明显一点儿吗？？？）
在图南英语经过一段时间的学习之后。在9月12号的考试中，他的写作突破7分啦！
下面我们来展示一下在平时上课练习的时候，老师是怎么教他自己修改作文的？而且是在40分钟之内哦~
由
6.5
变
8
40分钟改写示范
Some people believe that university education should focus on skills of future employment. Other people say that academic study should be the only focus. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
学生原文 首段
As the competition of the graduates in the labor market is getting more and more fierce, a group of people has a debate on the content of university education.
学生原文 Body1
Some people claim that university students should focus on the learning of employment skills. Most of the students aim for finding a job after graduation, and even those who want to devote themselves into academic research still need to earn bread. Therefore, employment skills are very important for them to get a well-paid job.
改写后 Body1
People claim that university students should focus on the learning of employment skills. These relevant job skills including time management skills and communication skills are not only useful in the students’ learning lives but also in their future career. For example, mastering time management skills could help students well allocate their time on each subject, which would also be useful for them to deal with different tasks in their later job.
学生原文 Body2
People state that university students should concentrate on academic study. Academic result plays an essential role for students to find a job. Many companies would judge the students by their academic results, because the results are the evidences of their learning ability. In contrast, even some candidates own excellent employment skills, their low academic results would let them fail in the first round of recruitment.
改写后 Body2
Other people state that university students should concentrate on academic study. The knowledge gained from academic study is the essential part that keeps our brains operate well. For example, a builder use his knowledge in building structures to make sure that the house is built firmly. Without the relevant knowledge, the house might fall down easily in a rainy day. Therefore, the knowledge from academic study is an important part that determines whether our study and work are smoothly moving on.
学生原文 末段
In my view, the skills of employment and academic study are both important for university students. Employment skills can make students easy to find a job. And high academic results would make the students outstanding to get a better position. The graduates with good employment skills and excellent academic results are unbeatable in the labor market.
改写后 末段
In my view, the skills of employment and academic study are both important for university students. Job skills are practical in students’ study and career, while academic study could ensure that the students to have the ability to solve problems with relevant knowledge. In this way, the university students should focus on employment skills and academic knowledge in their study.
一篇8分范文就这么愉快地改好啦！希望这篇文章看过之后，能够对大家的写作有所启发，如果有写作方面的问题可以通过微信平台和我们互动咨询。
或者，你想知道你们的“考官”老师是真是假？我们教你怎么查！
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