明天去考雅思今晚一定要看！,图南英语微信公众号文章

上个星期我们带大家看了最近很火的一位名师的作文，指出了“名师”范文中的各种导致大家“学了就考不到7分”的问题。有的人可能会以为这是个别老师的问题。我们告诉你不是的！继续关注我们，每个周五发一篇改错文章。多暴露出一个问题，可能就能多拯救一个挣扎在PASS边缘的你！

今天改错文章来自新东方的“雅思写作书”。

对！就是这本！够权威了吧？！

花钱去买的，花时间去背的同学，你们开始紧张了么？

如果你手边恰好有这本书，请翻到P60

题目

It is said that life is becoming increasingly stressful for most people. What is the reason of this phenomenon and how could this problem be solved?

第一段

Most people would say life is improving, expect those in Africa or living in the throes of regional conflicts. But at the same time, life is becoming ever more stressful, leading to ten of thousands of suicides each year. It is high time that we pinpoint the causes and come up with some solutions.

句1： Most people would say life is improving, expect those in Africa or living in the throes of regional conflicts.

1、拼写错误：except

2、单单说Africa不仅让人感到有种族歧视的意味，还透露出一股浓厚的没文化的感觉！老师您还不知道南非是发达国家吧？

3、大词 “throes” Noun. 英文解释：painful emotions, sensations, or feelings；这样的词一直是”名师们“眼中的”好词“，因为很少人用。少到什么程度呢，就好像你说着说着白话忽然蹦出了一个“之乎者也”。学词汇我们是鼓励的，但也要想想自己是不是一不小心被当成“孔乙己”了。

句2：But at the same time, life is becoming ever more stressful, leading to ten of thousands of suicides each year.

吐槽：您是说非洲发展的同时，非洲人也在大量自杀么？原来生活进步总是以别人的生命为代价的啊，您是微博公知大V化身圣母吧。

第二段

Work is a main source of stress for most people. With the unemployment rate running high in even the most affluent countries, job security is becoming less and less guaranteed. To keep their jobs, people are compelled to work longer hours and achieve better performances. Getting ahead in the workplace becomes our priority, to the extent that we think about it all the time and can never really relax or take a break. Even for those with secure jobs, promotions and better salaries are irresistible, forever coaxing them to try their uttermost.

句5：Even for those with secure jobs, promotions and better salaries are irresistible, forever coaxing them to try their uttermost.

翻译：就算是那些工作稳定的，升职加薪也是他们不能抗拒的事情，这些永恒驱使着他们做到做好。

错误1：雅思写作里忌用“绝对”语气的词。forever类似于“永远的魔咒”

吐槽：作者先说了没工作的“得（dei）死”，又说了有工作的“也死”，总而言之，作者觉得你们“都得死”！

作者OS：人生已经很凄惨了，考官你要不给分我就死给你看。

第三段

The relationship with one’s fellow human being also adds to one’s stress. People are becoming more isolated nowadays, not only from strangers but even from close relatives and friends. Everyone is engrossed in his or her own affair with no energy for or interest in what happens to other people. Real communication between people is on the decline. As a result, emotions get bottled up. People are more linked by economic interests that emotional needs. Genuine friendship becomes hard to find; even marriages are purely based on financial considerations. It seems that we face the world alone every day. No wonder people tend to feel the whole weight of the world on their shoulders.

句1：The relationship with one’s fellow human being also adds to one’s stress.

翻译：一个人与周围全人类的人际关系都让他觉得压力很大。

吐槽：“太多的人际关系我实在承受不来”，老师您到底是玻璃心还是看琼瑶长大的？

句2：People are becoming more isolated nowadays, not only from strangers but even from close relatives and friends.

翻译：人们变得越来越孤立，不仅仅是跟陌生人，甚至还包括亲人和朋友

吐槽：老师您跟陌生人本来就没关系吧，所以就没有not only, but also 的关系哦。

句3： Everyone is engrossed in his or her own affair with no energy for or interest in what happens to other people.

翻译：每个人都专注于自己的事情，没有经历和兴趣关心别人的事情

吐槽：这应该是好的品质吧。。。难道天天听人说“别人家的孩子”不会给你带来困扰么？你应该很想说一句，回应爱多管闲事儿的人“It is none of your business”

句4：Real communication between people is on the decline.

错误：如果有 real communication，是不是还有 fake communication? But how？通过使用山寨爱疯吗？

句7： Genuine friendship becomes hard to find; even marriages are purely based on financial considerations.

吐槽：这句话仔细读来，不禁恍然大悟，原文作者原来是他/她！

引用一下《小时代》场景
顧源：“我喜歡你，又不是因為你從小就有奔馳接送而喜歡你，也不是因為你有名牌包而喜歡你，更不是因為你送我昂貴的靴子我才喜歡你，就算你沒有一分錢，我還是會喜歡你。”
顧里：“沒有物質的愛情只是一盤沙。都不用風吹，走兩步路就散了。”

句8： It seems that we face the world alone every day.

吐槽：无病呻吟，请cue《在世界中心呼唤爱》

句9： No wonder people tend to feel the whole weight of the world on their shoulders.

翻译：难怪伦家总是觉得世界的重量都在伦家自己的肩膀上呢~

吐槽： “喂喂，醒醒啦，你以为你超人啊？”

第四段

While the right amount of pressure is often beneficial, the stress experienced by most people is detrimental both physically and mentally. Work and material wealth are far overrated and need to be put into its proper perspective. In addition, people need to improve their relationship with others around them, be it a colleague, a loved one, or a total stranger by really communicating with and caring for each other.

句1：Work and material wealth are far overrated and need to be put into its proper perspective.

翻译：工作也好，财富也罢，都被世人过高的评价了（言外意，工作和财富都应该被降档低估），这些都需要归于他们本来应该的地位。

吐槽：首先中文也不通顺啊，本文讲的是压力为什么越来越大，现在变成了有钱的人就一定有压力？典型的穷人一厢情愿。

句2：In addition, people need to improve their relationship with others around them, be it a colleague, a loved one, or a total stranger by really communicating with and caring for each other.

翻译：同时，人们还要通过真正与人沟通，关心周围同事，爱人或陌生人的方式，来改善他们与周围人的关系。

吐槽：原来我从来都没有“真正”和周围人沟通过啊，人类也从来不“真正”关心周围的人，那人类还是灭绝了吧。

—————无李取闹的分割线—————

总而言之，这篇作文从“英文使用”的角度上讲还是好过我们第一篇的8.5老师的（回复“名师”浏览上期文章），可玻璃心的性格导致了作者“陷在自己的情绪里胡言乱语”，整篇打分也能给到6.5。看完分析，请大家放下手里紧抱的雅思范文、打开窗去冷静一下，好好想想如何把话说清楚、把道理讲明白，也许明天就考过了呢！学错误的方法、背低分的范文、拜冒充的考神、记无用的技巧、不仅浪费时间，还使成千上万的烤鸭就这么陷入了“越学越考不过”的死循环。

总而言之：跟“名师”学雅思包您热恋一万年！