烤鸭小伙伴们抢座请从速，名额有限，雅思Master Class免费讲座喽！！！

免费讲座时间：Friday, 18 July 2014 from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM (AEST)
免费讲座地点：IDP Education 373 Lonsdale St Melbourne, VIC 3000 Australia
免费讲座内容：

1. 雅思常见问题及误区解答；

2. 如何高效的提高雅思写作口语的分数；

3. 雅思官方写作口语评分解读；

4. 雅思专家”零“距离面对面答疑；

直接输入 booking 抢座 名额非常有限

请从速，51ielts内部学员已成功申请的请不要重复订座。

记得转发分享至朋友圈啊。。。Thanks！！！

Some people believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and uses up the world’s fuel resources. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

These days, it seems that air travel should be limited because it is a source of air pollution. This raises certain questions about the draining up of world’s fuel resources. Although there are valid arguments to the contrary, in this paper I will argue that it is beneficial for people to use air travel, both written and unwritten. The reasons for this are twofold.

it seems: some people believe that

source: cause of

draining up: expenditure of the

Firstly, it is vitally important that planes are used for trade and tourism. Aviation provides the only worldwide rapid transportation system which makes it essential for global business and tourism. For example, Australia are able to import goods from japan which makes Diaso a popular chain store selling a great variety of Japanese products, with each item costing only $2.80. This results in an economic boost to Japanese market in Australia as affordable Japanese products can be bought easily. It is, therefore, necessary that there are no restrictions on aviation so that products can be imported and exported to and from different countries.

are: is able

Secondly and more importantly, tourism is one of Australia’s income sources. Most international tourists travel by air. Aviation has provided the opportunity for students to study abroad. This allows university institutions to earn more money as international students fee are twice as much of local students. In turn, universities are able to improve campus facilities such as libraries and labs. Therefore air travel once again brings advantages to our countries.

of: to that of

By way of conclusion, I believe that air travel is vital for international trade and tourism, therefore it should not be restricted.

Feedback:

Word Count

259 words. – This is just on the border. When the word count barely makes the limit then it means that you have room to extend your argument further in the body…… if time allows.

Task Achievement – Very Good [Band 7.0]

This response addresses all parts of the task with some good ideas and examples to support. You could more fully extend your answer by mentioning briefly the ‘valid arguments’ that is commented on in the introduction.

Also it is good to indicate in the conclusion to ‘what extend you agree or disagee’ just to make it very clear your position (even though it is clear in the body).

For example:

“I believe to a large extend that air travel’….

Coherence & Cohesion – Very Good to well done [Band 7.5]

Information is arranged logically and there is a clear progression throughout. An adequate range of cohesive devises have been used and cohesion has been skilfully managed. To expand further would allow an even fully range.

Lexical Resource – Very Good [Band 7.0]

The vocabulary used is sufficient for the task showing some flexibility and precision related to the topic, however too much of a risk has been taken with some expressions allowing them to be used awkwardly or inappropriately. See Comments.

Generally though a very good display of lexical items.

Grammar & Accuracy – Very Good to Well Done [Band 7.5]

A wide variety of structures is evident and complex sentences are mostly produced well. Very occasional errors occur with the majority of sentences being error-free.

雅思写作批改殿堂级名师 Selena

Hi, my name is Selena and I’m one of the 51IELTS writing markers. I have an over 20 years experience in the education area, particularly in IELTS. Writing curriculum and preparation courses for students to improve. The majority of my experience has been working with Asian students, so I am very familiar with the problems that are faced in trying to achieve a higher score. Let’s work together in improving your score to achieve your dream.

雅思写作批改名师音频介绍请输入【5002】

更多雅思写作批改范文【51】

点击【阅读原文】雅思免费讲座预订