孩子为什么会不听家长指令，甚至觉得无法沟通？6个方法，即学即用！,图南英语微信公众号文章

孩子行为中不容忽视的六个问题

Interrupting When You're Talking

当你说话时打断你

Why you shouldn't ignore it:Your child may be incredibly excited to tell you something or ask a question, but allowing her to butt in to your conversations doesn't teach her how to be considerate of others or occupy herself when you're busy. "As a result, she'll think that she's entitled to other people's attention and won't be able to tolerate frustration," says psychologist Jerry Wyckoff, Ph.D., coauthor ofGetting Your Child From No to Yes.

你的孩子可能非常兴奋地想要告诉你一件事或想问你一个问题，但是允许她在你说话时打断你，将使她无法学会考虑别人的感受，或者让你在忙的时候做她自己的事。这会使她认为她应该得到别人的关注，并且无法承受挫折。

How to stop it: The next time you're about to make a call or visit with a friend, tell your child that she needs to be quiet and not interrupt you. Then settle her into an activity or let her play with a special toy that you keep tucked away. If she tugs on your arm while you're talking, point to a chair or stair and tell her quietly to sit there until you're finished. Afterward, let her know that she won't get what she's asking for when she interrupts you.

解决办法：下次你打电话或探望朋友时，告诉你的孩子，她需要保持安静，不要打扰你。然后给她安排些事去做或让她玩她的玩具。如果在你说话时，她拽着你的胳膊打断你，你要告诉她，她必须安静的坐下等待，直到你做完你的事。并且让她知道，当她打断你时，无法得到她所想要的。

Playing Too Rough

在玩耍的过程中出现侵犯行为

Why you shouldn't ignore it: You know that you have to step in when your child punches a playmate, but you shouldn't disregard more subtle aggressive acts, like shoving his brother or pinching a friend. "If you don't intervene, rough behavior can become an entrenched habit by age 8. Plus, it sends a message that hurting people is acceptable," says Parents adviser Michele Borba, Ed.D., author ofDon't Give Me That Attitude!: 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them.

当你知道你的孩子出手打了他的玩伴时，你必须出面制止。但同时你也不能忽视一些细小的侵犯行为，如推挤他的兄弟或捏掐他的朋友。如果你不及时制止这种行为，在孩子八岁时这种行为会成为一种习惯。并且孩子会认为伤害他人是一种可以被接受的行为。

How to stop it: Confront aggressive behavior on the spot. Pull your child aside and tell him, "That hurt Janey. How would it feel if she did that to you?" Let him know that any action that hurts another person is not allowed. Before his next playdate, remind him that he shouldn't play rough, and help him practice what he can say if he gets angry or wants a turn. If he does it again, end the playdate.

解决办法：侵犯行为发生时立即制止。把你的孩子叫到边上，告诉他“你这样做会伤害你的朋友。如果他们这样伤害你，你会是什么感觉？”让孩子知道，任何伤害他人的行为都是不允许的。在孩子下一次与朋友玩之前提醒他不要侵犯他人，并且告诉他，在他生气，或想玩别的小朋友正在玩的玩具时，应该怎么做。如果孩子再次出现侵犯行为，立即停止孩子的玩耍。

Pretending Not to Hear You

假装没有听到你说话

Why you shouldn't ignore it: Telling your child two, three, even four times to do something she doesn't want to do, such as get into the car or pick up her toys, sends the message that it's okay to disregard you and that she--not you--is running the show. "Reminding your child again and again just trains her to wait for the next reminder rather than to pay attention to you the first time you tell her something," says psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author ofFirst-Time Mom: Getting Off on the Right Foot -- From Birth to First Grade. "Tuning you out is a power play, and if you allow the behavior to continue, your child is likely to become defiant and controlling."

两次、三次、甚至四次地重复要求你的孩子去做一件她不想做的事，如上车或收拾玩具，其实是在传递一个信息，即她可以忽略你说的话，她处于主导地位。一次又一次的重复提醒，只会让你的孩子习惯于等待下一次的提醒，而不是在你第一次说时就行动。

How to stop it: Instead of talking to your child from across the room, walk over to her and tell her what she needs to do. Have her look at you when you're speaking and respond by saying, "Okay, Mommy." Touching her shoulder, saying her name, and turning off the TV can also help get her attention. If she doesn't get moving, impose a consequence.

解决办法：不要隔着一定距离跟你的孩子说话，走到她跟前，告诉她需要做什么。当你说话时让她看着你，并让她通过回答“好的，妈妈”，来回应你。可以通过拍拍她的肩膀、叫她的名字和关掉电视等方法来引起她的注意。如果她仍不行动，可以给予适当的处罚。

Helping Himself to a Treat

不征得家长同意，擅自做主

Why you shouldn't ignore it: It's certainly convenient when your child can get his own snack or pop in a DVD, but letting him have control of activities that you should regulate doesn't teach him that he has to follow rules. "It may be cute when your 2-year-old walks along the counter to get the cookies out of the cabinet, but just wait until he's 8 and goes to visit a friend who lives three blocks away without asking," Dr. Wyckoff says.

孩子能够自己拿零食吃或看电视可以让家长省事，但让孩子控制那些本应该由家长家长控制的东西，会使他们不知如何去遵守规则。你的孩子两岁时自己去柜子里拿饼干吃，你可能觉得很可爱，可如果你让他继续这样下去，到八岁时，他会在不征得你同意的情况下就去跟三个街区以外的朋友玩耍。

How to stop it: Establish a small number of house rules, and talk about them with your child often ("You have to ask whether you can have sweets because that's the rule"). If your child turns on the TV without permission, for instance, tell him to turn it off and say, "You need to ask me before you turn on the television." Stating the rule out loud will help him internalize it.

解决办法：建立一些规则并告诉你的孩子。例如告诉孩子：“如果你想吃甜食，你必须征得大人的同意，这是规则。”如果你的孩子在没有征得你同意的情况下自己打开电视，你必须要求他关掉电视，并告诉他“你必须征得大人的同意才能打开电视。”

Having a Little Attitude

不礼貌的态度

Why you shouldn't ignore it: You may not think your child is going to roll her eyes or use a snippy tone until she's a preteen, but sassy behavior often starts when pre-schoolers mimic older kids to test their parents' reaction. "Some parents ignore it because they think it's a passing phase, but if you don't confront it, you may find yourself with a disrespectful third-grader who has a hard time making and keeping friends and getting along with teachers and other adults," Dr. Borba says.

你可能认为你的孩子在青春期前都不会对你翻白眼或用傲慢的语气跟你说话。事实上，学龄前的孩子就开始模仿大一些的孩子，用这些行为去探测他们父母的反应。有些家长忽略孩子的这些行为，他们觉得这是孩子成才过程中的一个必经阶段。但如果家长不能正确应对这一问题，他们的孩子将很难交到朋友，很难与老师或其他成年人友好相处。

How to stop it: Make your child aware of her behavior. Tell her, for example, "When you roll your eyes like that, it seems as if you don't like what I'm saying." The idea isn't to make your child feel bad but to show her how she looks or sounds. If the behavior continues, you can refuse to interact and walk away. Say, "My ears don't hear you when you speak to me that way. When you're ready to talk nicely, I'll listen."

解决办法：让你的孩子了解她的行为。例如告诉她：“当你翻白眼时，我会认为你不喜欢我说的话。”这样做的目的不是说教你的孩子、让他难堪；而是告诉孩子，他的表情和声音给别人传达的信息是什么。如果这种行为一直持续，你可以走开，停止与孩子继续对话，并告诉他“当你用这种语气说话时，我的耳朵听不见。等你能够用和善的语气说话时，我再来听你说什么。”

Exaggerating the Truth

夸大事实

Why you shouldn't ignore it: It may not seem like a big deal if your child says he made his bed when he barely pulled up the covers, or if he tells a friend that he's been to Walt Disney World when he's never even been on a plane, but it's important to confront any type of dishonesty head-on. "Lying can become automatic if your child learns that it's an easy way to make himself look better, to avoid doing something that he doesn't want to do, or to prevent getting into trouble for something he's already done," Dr. Wyckoff says.

你的孩子连被子都没有拉好时，就告诉你他整理好了床铺；或当他连飞机都没坐过时，就告诉他的朋友他去过迪士尼乐园。当你的孩子出现这些行为时，你可能觉得没什么。但及早纠正孩子的撒谎行为是非常重要的。如果你的孩子发现撒谎可以使他看上去更好，或使他不用去做他不想做的事情，或使他逃脱惩罚，撒谎将会成为他的习惯。

How to stop it: When your child fibs, sit down with him and set the record straight. Say, "It would be fun to go to Disney World, and maybe we can go some day, but you shouldn't tell Ben that you've been there when you really haven't." Let him know that if he doesn't always tell the truth, people won't believe what he says. Look at his motivation for lying, and make sure he doesn't achieve his goal. For example, if he said that he brushed his teeth when he didn't, have him go back and brush them.

解决办法：当你的孩子撒谎时，在他身边坐下来，纠正他的错误。你可以说：“迪士尼乐园很好玩，也许有一天我们会去那儿。可是当你还没有去时，你不应该告诉Ben你已经去过了。”要让孩子知道，如果他经常撒谎，别人将不再相信他所说的话。家长要了解孩子撒谎的目的是什么，并确保孩子不能通过撒谎来达到他的目的。例如，孩子没刷牙时说他刷了，家长必须要求孩子回去刷。

When 5-year-old Sophia Hohlbaum started stretching the truth, her mom, Christine, told her the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," in which a boy who'd been lying cries for help for real and people ignore him. "Story telling helps kids view the problem from the outside in," says Hohlbaum, author ofDiary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff. "Now Sophia's very straight forward with me?and she's very self-righteous if I don't believe her."

当五岁的Sophia开始撒谎时，她的妈妈给她讲了“狼来了”的故事。这个故事中有个小男孩，因为撒谎，在最需要帮助的时候没有人帮助他。讲故事能够帮助孩子看到问题。