需要雅思写作7分或者8分烤鸭们注意了，雅思写作小作文往往需要更高的质量确保获得理想的Band！！！
小错误 往往是小作文失分的主要原因，看看墨尔本无忧雅思写作批改组的考官是如何批注吧~
You are moving to an English-speaking country with you family. Write to an accommodation agency to seek a house for your family
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am looking for a place for me and my family to live, which obviously requires your professional help.
[I]: First paragraph needs a clearer opening sentence. Eg.‘I am writing to request your assistance in looking for a house to accommodatemy family………..’
[obviously]:This word is too strong and inappropriately used.Delete.
Specifically, we will arrive at Canberra at 19th of March and therefore the place has to be decided before that date. I personally prefer 3 bedrooms townhouse with 2 bathrooms. However, if the space is sufficient, an apartment would be acceptable as well. The garden is optional while the garage is absolutely necessary as we are planning to purchase a car. As for the budget, we hope that the rent could be less than $550 per week. Nevertheless, if the location is near the public transportation and shopping center, it could go up to $600. You may send me some pictures of options and information about house. I will reply you about which one is chosen as soon as possible.
[at]: ‘in’ Canberra
[at]: ‘on the’ 19th
[the place has]: ‘accommodation’ is a better word selection
[The garden]: ‘A’ garden
[the]: delete 'the'
[shopping center]: ‘a’ shopping center
[go up]: ‘increase’ is a better word selection
[You may]: ‘Could you please’
[house]: ‘possible accommodation that is suitable’
[you]: ‘to you’
[chosen]: ‘preferable’
At last, I would greatly appreciate your help and I look forward to your reply.
[At last]: Not necessary - delete
Yours faithfully
mel51ielts
Task Achievement – Good 6
This response addresses the requirements of the task however the introduction and concluding paragraphs need to be more fully extended. There are inconsistencies in the tone of the letter so you need to soften your choice of words.
Coherence & Cohesion – Good 6
There is a clear progression of ideas and information is arranged appropriately however better word choices to introduce each idea of each sentence could be better expressed or more appropriately expressed.
Lexical Resource – Good 6
The vocabulary illustrated in this response shows a limited range. The choice of more advanced vocab needs to be selected.
For Example: place/house → accommodation
Spelling is accurate.
Grammar & Accuracy – Very Good 7
A variety of structures is shown however consistent errors of prepositions and articles are evident.
更多写作批改输入【51】
高清版批改【阅读原文】
