雅思作文高分难于上青天?无忧内部学员习作告诉你,“简单写法”也能拿高分

2019年07月11日 无忧小雅哥


很多同学都有着这样的迷思,认为雅思高分作文必然是华丽的辞藻堆叠,加上繁琐的复杂句式。实际上,只要逻辑清晰明了,即便是用最平实简练的语言,也可以打动考官,收获“遥不可及”的雅思写作高分。

我们最近一期的无忧雅思写作7分晚班内部学员Cui同学,在仔细消化老师课程内容的基础之上,就在课后练习当中,写出了一篇深得考官好评的高分习作。


那么,就让我们一起学习一下,怎样用“简单写法”来斩获写作高分吧!


练习题目

It’s better for students to live away from home while studying at university than living at home with parents.   Do you agree or disagree?

 


There are conflicting views about whether university students should move out. Although it might be less expensive to live at home, in my opinion, it is better to live away from home in order to live independently earlier and learn all the essential life and social skills. √ greatstart

 

There are several reasons why I believe students who study tertiary education should have an independent living arrangement. Firstly, they can learn to be finically independent earlier by being responsible for their rent, bills and other costs of living. Secondly, students who live away from their parents tend to learn important life skills much faster, such astert cooking, fixing appliances and assembling furniture. Finally, by living on campus or sharing with their peers, they have much more opportunities to socialise and develop their social skills.

 

On the other hand, it might seem a cheaper option to live with parents because some people only pay a small amount on bills and rent, and others might not need to pay. However, they miss the opportunity to learn necessary skills by relying on their parents, because parents can be very likely to take care of everything in the household. Furthermore, students living at home might have less incentives to be financially responsible, because they do not have to pay to make ends meet. More importantly, many students believe that living at home might restrain their freedom. For example, it is more difficult to arrange a birthday party or have friends over if they live with parents.

 

In conclusion, there are more benefits for tertiary students to move out and learn to be independent and mature much earlier by having crucial life and social skills, which could prepare them well for their adult life.



批改意见


TR Well done 

A simple but very effective discussion and examples used. 2 sentences rather than one extended one is better in the conclusion.
CC Well done.  

An easy to follow ‘coherence’ here.  Cohesion is varied and fluent.
LR Well done 

Great range of relevant vocab used.

Look to use more language of possibility words and check your use of prepositions
GRA Well done  

A broad range of sentence structures, with well-defined [mostly] grammar use.




tertiary education

高等教育,大学教育

assembly furniture

组装家具

rely on parents

依靠父母

restrain one's freedom

限制自由

have friends over

带朋友回家

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