【Band 7.0】雅思写作批改范文体验如何达到雅思【写作 7 分】,无忧小雅哥微信公众号文章

General Training Task 1
There is a new swimming pool will be built in the town. Write a letter to the authority, and in your letter, you should write:
- How important the pool is?
- Should it be placed in town center or outside the town?
- Why it is not good to use the other opinion?

Dear sir Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to express my opinions regarding to this new swimming pool proposal in our townthe proposal to build a new swimming pool in town.

It is absolutely beneficial for us to have a new swimming pool as we do not have enough gym or exercise facilities for every resident in our town. This swimming pool can help encourage us to get away out from our houses and do more exercise when we have leisure time. It This can also help us to release our work-related pressures.

As you mentioned in the news, you wanted to know what where the best location of for the swimming pool should be and let us to vote for on it. In my opinion, it should be built in the town centre rather than outside of the town, because it is easier more convenient for residents who live in the centre of the town. Moreover, most of our residents are located there and don't have vehicles.

Further, I do not think it is a good idea to charge about $10 per entry as the council suggested. It is a bit expensive for our community compared to other swimming pools. Also, the website said only one day a week is open for kids under 15 years old. I think it this is not fair or reasonable and we should create more chances for youngsters to integrate more better with this society.

Thanks for the consideration.

Tone here sounds rather casual. Please be formal here. Eg. Thank you for your consideration.

Your faithfully,

Eric Chen

TR: Possibly Very Good. Your essay has a clear purpose and addresses the requirements of the question. The tone used throughout your essay is mostly consistent except for your last sentence. One other recommendation that I have is making your introduction clearer.

CC: Very Good. Ideas and information are organized logically. There is clear progression. Good use of a range of cohesive devices. The use of some words can better promote cohesion between sentences.

LR: Very Good. Sufficient range of vocabulary used within your essay. Some choice of words can be improved. Eg “Convenient” instead of “easier”.

GRA: Very Good. Essay contains frequent error-free sentences. However, it also has minor grammatical errors that relate the use of articles (the word “the”), plural form of words, and question words (the word “where”)

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